drkiris's Blog

I just felt like venting a bit

So when it comes down to other people I'm defective I think, my gestures of kindness go unnoticed or are always taken the wrong way, my advice my words of encouragement seem to cause more harm than good, no matter how hard I try to show how much I care I tend to come off as cold and insincere. I'm really am tired of having to explain myself or defend myself so I choose not to get involved and just stand back and watch then when I do nothing, that makes me a cold hearted bitch, my heads gonna EXPLODE. I never claim to know it all or have the right answers but at least I try DAM IT  which is more than I can say for most people so I stand here looking around at it all and honestly I wish I'd learn to keep my mouth shut and just fade into the background, life would be so much easier if I didn't care if I only thought of myself and did only for myself and just let everyone else destroy themselves let them sink while I keep rising life would be alot more easier if only I could, but to my own destruction it seems I care too dam much and give more than I should or even get back and in the end I get a huge slap in the face for my efforts time and time again the same cycle repeats I always know it's coming but still I go repeating the same mistakes hoping this time my efforts well be some how some way appreciated or that some positive change will come from them that someone one day will realize the amount of myself I put into them just so I know they're happy and that they feel loved that they know they're special. When will this silly girl learn? The lesson is so clear maybe one day.